The Forgotten Memory
by The Bewitched Soldier
Summary: Bucky doesn't remember who he is after becoming The Winter Soldier. The only thing he wants, besides being himself again. Is someone to care about him. May be a heartbreaking read.
1. Chapter 1

I was getting ready to do my nightly rounds, when a man approaches me.

"Excuse me ma'am." He says in a sweet voice.

"Yes? Can I help you?" I say as I fold my arms across my chest. Holding the clipboard close to me.

"I was just wondering if I could see my friend?" he says as his eyes fill with tears.

"Oh, it's um…" I say as I trail off, I know I'm not supposed to break the rules. But he looks like he needs to really see his friend. "What room?" I ask as I try not to cry from how sad he looks.

"I don't know ma'am." He chokes out.

"Name?" I ask as I pull the clipboard away from my chest.

"Barnes?" he says as he moves to stand next to me.

I look over the names on my chart. But I don't see the one he's looking for. "I'm sorry…" I say as I start shaking my head.

"Ma'am, he may have been brought in here with no memory. Does that help?" he asks as a tear creeps out from his left eye.

"That narrows it down, to about two sweetie." I say as I sigh.

"Can I see them? Please…" he's breaking my heart at how desperate he seems right now.

"Sure." I say as I nod. "Follow me." I say as we walk down the hall.

"Your friend means a lot to you doesn't he?" I say as I try striking up a conversation.

"Yeah, he's been in my life for a long time." He says as he nods.

"It's hard finding that now a days I think." I say as I smile.

"Just be sure to keep one promise, and your friendship will always be strong." He says as he smiles.

"What promise?" I ask as I look at him funny.

"Just promise to be with them, till the end of the line." He says as he looks at me with a smile. But a faint tear rolls down his cheek.

"That's a good promise." I say as I reach out and I rub his arm, trying to comfort him. "So these two rooms, belong to the people who came in with no memory." I say once we reach the end of the hall.

"Is it alright if you do the knocking?" he asks nervously.

"Sure." I say as I nod, and I step up to the door. I lift my fist to the door, and I lightly knock on it. "Excuse me, I don't mean to disturb you." I say as I open the door, and he follows me in.

My heart drops when I see a young man… about the same age as the one with me. Sitting in the hospital bed, IV's in his arm, hair a mess, scruff all over his face, shivering, blankets piled high on top of him.

"Oh Bucky." I hear the young man whisper.

"Bucky?" I ask, making him jump.

"Sorry." I say as I reach out to touch his arm. "I just heard you say that name. Is that his name?" I ask, since everyone was wondering who this poor boy was.

"His name is James Buchanan Barnes." He says, never taking his eyes off the young man in the bed.

"James Barnes." I say as I scribble it down on my clipboard. "If you'd like, I can leave you alone for a while." I say as I look up at him.

"Thank you." He says as he nods.

"It will take me about an hour to do my rounds, before I get back here. So that should be enough time, I hope." I say as I try to give him a comforting smile.

He just nods.

I dip my head and I walk out of the room, closing the door a little behind me.

I just finished checking all of my patients. None of them needed dressing changed, or an accident that need to be cleaned up. That was strange, normally I'm rushing to get to everyone. But apparently not tonight. It was a nice change. But in the back of my mind, I just wanted to check on the two young men from earlier.

I walk down the empty hall. My shoes clicking against the fake tile floors of the hospital. As I got closer to the room, I could feel my heart start to race.

It hurt seeing that young man in the bed. How he looked… words couldn't even describe the heartache. His friend was just crushed seeing him like that. I felt for both of them, normally I know what to say, it was part of my job… but, for these two, I am at a loss for words on what to say.

I lightly knock on the door as I stand outside of the room.

"Come in." I hear someone say.

I push the door open a little and I peak inside.

The young man I had seen before was gone. That just left the young man in the bed alone. "Were you sleeping?" I ask as I step inside so he can see me better.

He just shakes his head.

"Your name is-" I say as I look down at my clipboard. "James, right?" I ask as I look up at him again.

He just stares at me blankly.

"You poor thing, you don't remember." I whisper, as I raise my hand to cover my quivering lips and tears fill my eyes.

He starts shivering as his eyes leave me to stare at the wall.

"Are you cold?" I ask, thinking it may be silly. Since he has most of the blankets from this floor on him.

He doesn't answer me.

So I look to my right at an empty chair in the corner. I assume his friend probably sat in it earlier and then he put it back. I decide to grab the chair and I pull it over to his bedside.

I set my clipboard on a small table near him, getting his attention. His ice cold blue eyes staring at me, empty. His eyes seemed to once hold such hope and love, not to mention happiness. But something must have happened. That now he's just empty and scared.

"What happened to you?" I ask in a whisper. My hand reaches to brush strands of hair away from his face.

He flinches when my hand gets near his face. I pull my hand back and I wait for him.

"I won't hurt you, I promise." I whisper to him, as he continues to stare at me.

His eyes stay on mine as I inch my hand closer to him.

"Just relax." I whisper as I brush the hair out of his eyes.

I start taking my hand away from him, and I let it run down his arm under the covers.

"You work-" he starts to say, but something makes him stop.

"Do I what?" I ask as I tilt my head to the side.

"Here?" he asks.

"Do I work here?" I say just to make sure I understand him.

He just nods.

"Yes, I work nights. I check on all the patients." I say as I smile warmly at him.

He nods and then turns on his side, his head turned away from me.

"Should I go?" I ask as I get ready to stand.

He doesn't answer me, so I grab my clipboard and I walk out of the room.

I close his door behind me, before I start walking back to the nurse's station.

"I wonder if I can find out more about him." I say aloud to no one in particular. Since I'm the only one working right now.

I sit down behind my desk and I set the clipboard down. I turn to the computer and I type in the name, that young man had said was his friend's name. Everything seems to be found on the internet, so why not give it a shot.

A webpage pulls up and I see the young man's name right at the top. Although…

"What?" I say confused as I read the article. "Gave his life serving our country….?" I say confused. I look at the picture they have on the page and I can't believe my eyes. "That's the same person!" I say shocked. "This can't be right." I say as I shake my head. "No, this can't be right at all." I say as I close out the link.

"I was just talking to him… how could he be dead?" I say confused. "This doesn't make any sense." I say as I look down at the paper that I wrote his name on. "He's still alive, but… this is making my head hurt." I say as I pinch the bridge of my nose. I push myself away from the desk. I figure maybe I need to go for a walk or something.

I get up from my seat and I start wandering the halls. I wasn't looking to go anywhere specific. I just needed to clear my head. When I looked up to find a sign on where I was. I find myself walking toward James' room.

"Wow." I say as I shake my head, and I let out a short laugh. I shrug and decide I might as well check on him since I'm down here.

I lightly knock on his door. When I don't get a response, I open the door a little. I peek my head inside, and he seems to be sound asleep. Some of the blankets have been moved off of him. I can't help but notice that, they're falling on the floor. I kind of feel bad for him, so I decide to fix his blankets. That way he wouldn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to do it.

I push the door open a little more, and I walk inside his room.

I tip toe over to his bed, and I grab ahold of the blankets. As I bring them up to cover him. Something reflects light onto my face. I blink a few times and then I look around the room. He doesn't have any mirrors, so what caused the reflection of light? I shrug it off and I finish covering him.

As I turn to walk out of the room, a hand clamps down on my wrist. Scarring me half to death. I clamp my hand over my mouth, to keep myself from screaming. I turn to face him, and I find him wide awake staring at the ceiling.

"I-I-I-I didn't mean to wake you." I say a bit nervously.

His cold hard eyes, move from the ceiling to me. His stare sends shivers down my spine. He loosens his grip on my wrist, and his hand drops down on the bed.

I step away from the bed a bit, still facing him. Our eyes never leaving the others.

"Are you-?"

"Thank you." He says quickly.

I sigh and a smile shows on my face. "You're welcome sweetie." I say as I reach down and I pat his hand.

His eyes look down at my hand on his, and then he looks back up at me. "I don't remember the last time someone has ever been that nice to me." He chocks out.

"Why would anyone, want to do you any harm?" I ask. Again I don't even realize that, I had moved closer to him. My hand strokes the side of his face.

He leans his head into my touch and he closes his eyes.

"You poor thing." I whisper as my heart, breaks for the man before me.

I hear my watch beeping, and that tells me that my shift is over. "I have to go home sweetie." I say sadly.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" he asks with a sadden look in his eyes.

"Yes, I'll be here tomorrow night sweetie." I say as I smile.

He nods and then he turns away from me.

I sigh and I walk out of his room, I close the door behind me.

I then make my way back to the nurse's station. I check my paper work before I go home.


	2. Chapter 2

I was walking into the hospital for my shift. When one of the nurses from the morning shift, stops me. I could tell right away from her body language, something was wrong. What else was more than obvious, to me that alone. Was that, I wasn't going to like what she was going to say.

"You know your patient in room 304?" she says hesitantly.

"Yeah?" I say confused.

"Apparently you're not allowed in his room." she explains.

"Since when?" I shout, and then I clamp my hand over my mouth.

"I don't know, some guy in a suit showed up. He asked to see our security tapes. When they saw you go into that patient's room. They demanded, you not be allowed to do that anymore." She says as she shrugs.

"Well to hell with that." I say annoyed. "I have never been kicked out of a patient's room before. Normally they're always asking for me to visit them." I continue to say, I was still annoyed.

"Well he was asking for you." She points out.

"Well according to you… there's nothing I can do, now can I?" I say as I sigh annoyed.

"We both know that won't stop you." She says with a slight smile on her face.

I just roll my eyes and a little, she has a point.

"Excuse me ladies." I hear a familiar voice say, getting our attention.

"Yes?" My fellow nurse asks.

"Oh, hi." The young man says, when he sees me.

"Hi honey." I say as I give him a warm smile.

"Do you mind if I talk to her alone?" he asks politely.

"Not at all." My fellow nurse says as she smiles. She then leaves the two of us to talk.

"How can I help you honey?" I ask as I step closer to him.

"I thought I would introduce myself first, ma'am." He says a bit nervously.

"Alright." I say as I smile.

"My name is Steve." He says as he extends his hand to me.

"Nice to meet you Steve." I say as I smile.

"Nice to meet you as well." He says as he smiles and I shake his hand.

"So what can I help you with?" I ask as both our hands drop to our sides.

"I was wondering, why I couldn't see my friend." Steve says confused.

"They won't let you in either?" I ask confused.

"No ma'am. No one is allowed in his room." Steve says in a heartbreaking tone.

"Do you know who authorized it?" I ask curious.

"I might ma'am, but I can't say who." Steve says as he rubs the back of his neck.

"That's alright. Let me just see what I can do." I say as I see a doctor pass us in the hall.

Steve nods and I wander off to talk to the doctor.

I follow the doctor, all the way down the hall to his office. I watch him walk into his office, and sit down at his desk. He sat down to look over the papers, he is holding. Not wanting to just walk in rudely. I stand outside of his office, and I knock on the door frame.

"Come in." he says not looking up from his papers.

"Doctor McIntyre." I say as I step into his office.

He looks up from his papers. "Yes?" he says waiting for me to go on.

"I was wondering, about the patient in room 304…" I say as I hesitate.

"I'm sure as you already know…" Doctor McIntyre says as he sighs. "No one is allowed to see him." he continues, as he takes off the glasses he is wearing.

"Yes sir, that's why I was asking." I say as I step closer to his desk.

"I'm sorry, but, I can't tell you." Doctor McIntyre says as he shakes his head.

"Oh, well… thank you anyway." I say as I frown, and then I walk out of his room.

I walk back down the hall to where I had left Steve. But all that I find, is an empty hallway.

"Where did he go?" I ask myself. I turn around in a full 360. To see if there was anyone I could talk to.

I happen to see a nurse in the hall across from me. I haven't seen her before… but I figure I could ask her anyway.

"Excuse me!" I say as I start walking up to the redheaded nurse.

She looks up at me, from the notebook she was scribbling in. As I got closer to her, she tucks it under her left arm. "Yes?" she asks with a slight smile.

I stop dead in my tracks and look her over. She doesn't look like someone, who would pick nursing as a job. The supposed role, seems convincing from the clothes alone. But her in general, something is off.

"I'm sorry, but are you new here?" I ask right off the bat.

"Yes, this is my first day." she says as she nods.

"What was your previous job?" I ask as I look at her funny.

"What do you mean?" she asks confused.

"I'm sorry, but, you don't seem like the nurse type is all." I say as I shrug.

"Well my last job, was too physically demanding." She says as she chuckles.

"Right…" I say as I nod.

"Was there, something you wanted to ask me?" she asks getting the conversation back on track.

"Yes, there was… but it's not important now." I say as I smile and then I turn around to leave.

"If you still wanted to ask, you can." She says as she tries stopping me.

"That's okay, thanks anyway." I say as I look at her over my shoulder. I now decide to walk away, from her in the other direction.

Things have never been this confusing before. I mean… unless you consider, all the mysterious code blues we get from time to time. This is far from a code blue situation, however.

So many things, were swimming around in my head. What had I done wrong? Is something wrong with James? Did they move him out of the hospital? Was that website, something I wasn't supposed to find? Why wouldn't they let Steve see his friend?

With all those questions going around in my head. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking. Of course no one ever does, not until they walk into a brick wall. Well, not literally a brick wall. More like, someone buff enough to feel like one.

"Oh! I am so sorry!" I say as I bounce off of another body.

"It's alright." I hear him say as he chuckles.

I can feel a blush building, on my cheeks as I look up at him. "Normally I pay more attention." I say as I smile up at him.

"I've had those days." He says as he smiles.

"You seem like a kind man." I say as I feel the strength, of his genuine smile. Making me want to keep smiling.

"Why thank you." He says as he smiles a little bigger.

"Can I help you with anything? I mean to make up for walking into you." I ask as I try to avoid, a nurse rushing down the hall.

"I hope so." He says as he sighs.

I can't help but look at him confused.

"I'm looking for my friend. We both came in here together. He wanted to see a friend of his. He visits him every day, or at last he tries to." He explains.

"Is his name Steve?" I ask, sensing I may know who he means.

"Real tall guy, total ladies' man, shy, sensitive, puppy dog eyes." he says as he describes him.

"One in the same." I say as I nod.

"Do you know where he went?" he asks.

"I was looking for him too. So I'm sorry I don't know." I say as I shake my head.

"Maybe we can look together. Spare each other another run in." he says as he winks jokingly at me.

"Sounds good." I say as I giggle.

"My names Sam by the way." He says as he extends his hand to me.

"Nice to meet you Sam." I say as I shake his hand.

Sam let's go of my hand. Like a true gentlemen, he does a 'ladies first' gesture. Before the two of us start walking down the hall.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask as Sam follows behind me, down the hall.

"Sure." Sam says as he nods.

"Do you know anything, about James Barnes?" I ask curious.

"Not really." Sam says as he shakes his head.

"Alright… I was hoping that you, could tell me something about him." I say as I shrug.

"All I really know is, that he's Steve's longtime friend. The two are thick as thieves. He calls him Bucky though." Sam explains.

"I had heard him call James, Bucky. When I first met Steve." I say as I nod in understanding.

"From what I understand, when Steve talks about Bucky. Bucky was Steve's protector. He would die for Steve. Steve would do the same for Bucky too." Sam says as he looks up at me.

"Wow, that's a strong bond." I say as I smile a little.

"A never ending bond." Sam says as he nods.

"Excuse me, but you two can't come down this way." A man in a suit says stopping Sam and I.

"What?" I say confused.

"This part of the hospital, is being shut down for right now." The man explains.

"But, how do we get to all the patients down here?" I ask angrily.

"We had them moved, to different rooms." He says as he shrugs.

"Oh this is perfect!" I shout. I storm off down the hall, to find the man responsible.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Sam says as he grabs my arm, and he stops me.

"What?" I snap, as I'm forced to face Sam again.

"What's going on?" Sam asks confused.

"I don't know, but I am going to find out!" I say annoyed.

"Does this have anything, to do with Bucky?" Sam asks.

"From what I know, yes and no." I say as I shrug.

Sam looks at me confused.

"Look, just let me get to the bottom of this." I say as I sigh.

"Good luck." Sam says, as he lets me.

Once Sam no longer has me in his grip. I go back to storming off down the hall.

As I continue to storm off down the hall. I find another man in a suit.

"You!" I shout at the man.

He turns and he looks around confused. Then he looks at me.

"Yes you!" I say as I point to him, and I walk over to him. "I want answers, and if you don't tell me… so help me-" I say as I start to feel my blood boil.

"Miss please. I have more important things to attend to." He says shrugging me off.

"Not right now, you don't!" I shout at him as I grab his arm.

He swipes my hand off his suit coat arm and he smooths the fabric.

"What is going on, with the patient in room 304? Why isn't anyone allowed to see him?" I ask angrily.

"Are you the nurse, who went to speak with him last night?" the man asks.

"Yes." I say as my anger disappears, and I look at him confused.

"Miss please come with me." He says as he grabs my arm.

"Don't touch me!" I start shouting at him, as he drags me down the hall.

"We just need to ask you a few questions." He says in a rather, unnervingly calm voice.

"Who is this we?" I ask confused, as I try to wiggle free from his grip. The suit grips my arm a little tighter, and he drags me down to the security office.

"Get off me!" I yell as I jerk my arm free. As soon as we walk into the office.

"Is this the nurse we were looking for?" another suit asks, from across the table in front of me.

"Yes sir." The other suit says as he nods.

"Please, have a seat." The man across the table, instructs me to do.

"I'd rather stand." I say stubbornly.

"I think, you would be more comfortable. If you took a seat." He says as he pushes the chair out, in front of me.

I look over my shoulder at muscles, and I decide to take the seat.

"What do you want?" I ask as I sit down.

"First off, my name is agent Coulson." He says introducing himself.

I just shrug, his name meant nothing to me.

"I was wondering, what the patient in room 304. Had said to you the other night." Coulson says as he looks up at me.

"Nothing." I say as I shake my head.

"You were in his room, for an awfully long time for nothing." Coulson points out.

"If you're looking for some sort of secret, I don't have one." I say as I sigh.

"Just tell me what he said." Coulson says as he shrugs.

"Fine… all he said was, no one has ever been that kind to him before. Happy now?" I say as I cross my arms in front of myself.

Coulson seems to study my face for a while to see if I'm telling the truth or not.

"Alright, that's all I need." Coulson says as he smiles.

"What?" I say confused.

"You may go now." Coulson says as he waves me off.

I look at muscles and he steps aside, so I can see the door.

"That's it?" I say confused.

"Yes." Coulson says as he nods.

I get up from the table. Never taking my eyes off of Coulson, as I walk out of the room.

"That was weird." I say to myself as I try to shake it off. I try to continue on with my shift. In the back of my mind, I really wish I could see James. But I will have to follow the rules… just this one time, even if it kills me.


	3. Chapter 3

I haven't gone into James' room all day today. I really wanted to check on him too. I was trying, to go by the rules set by the men in suits. I was worried about James, and I don't even know him… how silly does that sound? There was just something about him. I felt for him, even without knowing his story…

"Hey are you alright?" I hear one of the new nurses ask. Pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah." I say as I nod. Thankfully, she doesn't know me enough to spot the lie.

"Are you sure? I mean, you've been distracted all day." she says as she shrugs.

"Oh, I just have a lot on my mind." I say as I fake a smile.

"Is it about the patient in room 304?" she asks.

"What about him?" I ask, as I try to be cool about it.

"He's missing." She says flat out.

"What? How can he be missing?" I ask shocked. I try to keep my voice down, so I don't attract attention.

"Yeah… he's been missing, since then end of your shift last night." She whispers, as she looks around in case anyone is listening.

"So why is that agent here?" I ask confused.

"I don't know… a few people have said, that maybe the patient… was into something illegal." She says as she shrugs.

"I highly doubt he'd be capable of that." I say annoyed at the idea.

"Who isn't capable of something?" I hear someone ask.

I turn around to find the red head, from earlier that I had talked to.

"My brother." I say quickly.

She gives me a funny look, so I keep talking.

"We were just talking about… the fact that he needs to stand up to his boss. But he isn't capable of doing it." I say as I look at my fellow nurse. Thankfully, she nods to prove my made up story.

"Tell your brother to grow some balls then." The red head says as she rolls her eyes.

"I will." I say as I laugh nervously.

"I um, should get going. It was nice talking to you guys." I say as I smile, and they both just nod. I hold my breath as I walk away from them. I didn't know that red head, but there is no way I was going to tell her anything.

I clock out from work, and then I grab my things out of my locker.

As I grab my cell phone, it starts to ring. I look at it funny when I see my neighbor calling me.

"Lucy?" I say confused.

"Hey! I was just wondering, if you were home." She says as she laughs.

"No... I'm just clocking out now." I say as I shake my head.

"Well... then who did I see in your house?" Lucy says confused.

"What?" I say confused. She's played this prank on me before, but that time I was IN my house.

"I thought I saw, some guy in your house." Lucy says as though I'm hiding something from her.

"You know I'm not seeing anyone." I say as I roll my eyes.

"Well dude, is one fine piece of meat." Lucy says as she laughs.

"Bye." I say as I shake my head, and then I hang up the phone.

I put my phone in my pocket, and then I start to walk out of the building.

'Why would Lucy, say some guy was in my house?' I wonder to myself, as I walk out to my car. 'Was she messing with me? Or was she being serious?' I hated being left with questions. Because, I couldn't stop thinking about them and I wanted to get an answer.

I reach my car and I fish out my keys, as I go to unlock the door... I hear something behind me. I try to ignore it; this isn't some sort of scary movie. I shrug it off, and I put my key into the lock.

As I go to turn my keys... someone taps me on the shoulder.

"AH!" I scream as I turn around. "Oh my god!" I say as I rest my hand over my heart. When I realize who it is.

"Sorry." Steve says as he blushes.

"I thought you were the charmer, not the stalker." I say as I try to laugh.

"The hospital wouldn't let me talk to you." Steve says as he stares at me. He was waiting to see if I'm okay.

"Of course they wouldn't." I say as I shake my head.

"Did you get to see Bucky?" Steve asks.

"No." I say as I shake my head.

"For the love of freedom! Why can't anyone see him? He's my friend!" Steve shouts, I know he's getting upset.

"From what I heard..." I say as I hesitate, and Steve stares at me desperate. "Bucky, is missing." I say as I frown.

Steve stares at me blankly.

"Are you alright?" I ask a little worried.

"He can't... no... This can't happen again..." Steve says as his eyes fill with tears.

"What? What can't happen again?" I ask confused.

"Does... is he... he has to..." Steve voice starts to crack, as he tries to form words.

"What?" I ask confused. I really shouldn't push, but he isn't making any sense.

"This isn't the end of the line either! I need Bucky! He has to be alright!" Steve says as he starts to cry.

"We'll find him." I say as I rub his arm, trying to comfort him.

"I don't know, where to look! We don't know this..." Steve just shakes his head. Tears continue to run down his face.

I let out a sigh, and I offer Steve a hug.

He nods and he steps into my arms, I rub his back a little as he cries.

"He means a lot to you, doesn't he?" I say I try to calm him down.

Steve pulls away from me, and he wipes his face. "When I had nothing, I had Bucky." Steve says as he coughs, and he tries to compose himself.

"We'll find him." I say I rub Steve's arm again.

"Thank you." Steve says as he nods.

I give him a smile, and then Steve leaves.

I sigh to myself as I turn back toward my car. This was going to be harder than I thought. Poor Steve, I can't imagine how he feels. Let alone, what he must be going through right now. Where is Bucky? I can't take seeing Steve fall apart again, that poor man.

I finish unlocking my car, and then I get in. I start the car and I head for home. I honestly don't know, how I was going to help Steve… but he seems like he needs some sort of hope right now.

As I pull into my driveway, I pay close attention to my house. It doesn't seem like anyone is inside. The house just looks like it always does, empty. I don't even have any pets. I don't have any time to care for them. It hurts knowing how alone I am, but I get by.

I park my car outside of the garage. In case I get called in for an emergency. I grab my things out of the car, and I walk up to my front door. I juggle my keys in my hand, as I try to find the house key.

As I get closer to my front door, I drop my keys on the ground.

"Ugh!" I say annoyed and I bend over to grab them.

As I reach for my keys, I hear the front door open. I look up at it confused. "Did I not lock the door this morning?" I say confused. I know I've done it a few times. But only when I was in a rush, and I forgot to lock the door. But I swear, I locked it today... or at least I thought I did...

I grab my keys off of the ground, and I hesitantly walk up to my front door. I don't know anyone that could possibly hurt me. I know I haven't messed with anyone in a gang. Should I be worried?

Probably more than I am right now.

I push the door open a little further, and I peak inside my house. The lights aren't on, so it's too difficult to see anything. I shrug it off as nothing and I walk into the house. I turn to close the door behind me, when someone grabs my arm.

I gasp as I get shoved against the wall, a hand over my mouth, and another hand forcefully holding me against the wall.

"Please, don't scream... I swear, I won't hurt you! I just didn't know, where to go... I'm sorry." I hear someone whisper.

I don't recognize the voice. So it frightens me, a little more as I wonder what he wants.

"You were, the only one… who has ever been nice to me... in such a long time." I hear him say.

That's when it clicks in my mind, on who he is.


	4. Chapter 4

"JAMES!" I scream, as I rip his hand away from my mouth.

"I'm sorry." He says as he takes a step back.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, not even caring that he's here.

"I had to leave the hospital. I was afraid, the men in those suits were with… never mind." Bucky says as he shakes his head.

"With who?" I ask confused.

"No one." Bucky says as he changes the subject.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Bucky asks as he looks at me.

"No, I'm fine." I say as I shrug.

"I didn't know, where else to go." Bucky says, as he looks at his feet. He looks like a lost puppy.

"How did you even find my address?" I ask curious.

"I found your file on a man's desk." He says as he shrugs.

"Probably Dr. McIntyre." I say as I roll my eyes. He was always looking for a reason to fire me. "I'm glad you came here." I say as I reach up, to rest my hand on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky doesn't flinch this time. Instead, he takes my hand and he stares at it.

"I don't remember the last time, I felt a woman's touch." He whispers, more to himself than to me.

"I can't say, that I remember a man's touch either." I say, making myself laugh a little.

All the men, I have chosen over the years. Ended up being cheaters, and not worth remembering.

Bucky looks up at me, and he just stares at me... I feel like stepping back from him, but I'm not sure why. I can't read the look in his eyes, that's all I know right now.

Bucky let's go of my hand, and I let it fall to my side.

"Did you see that guy?" Bucky asks.

"Guy?" I ask confused.

"The one, who came to my room. He talked to me last night." Bucky says as he stares into space. It was like, he's trying to remember something.

"Yes, I did see Steve. He was worried about you." I say as I nod.

"I knew him. I just don't know why… at least, not yet anyway." Bucky mumbles.

"He's with you, 'till the end of the line James." I say, making Bucky's eyes lock on me. I can see his mind working.

"I thought he was smaller. But, then he turned into this soldier. I was afraid they would just use him." Bucky says, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Smaller?" I ask confused.

"I went off to war, he wanted to follow… I couldn't let anything happen to him. I needed to protect him… always." Bucky continues.

"Like a big brother." I say as I smile a little.

"But the pain… the experiments… oh god… I thought, I'd never see him again. I never thought, I'd see anyone ever again… the nightmares, they…" Bucky starts shaking.

I put my hand up, to either calm him down or to protect myself.

Bucky raises his hands in front of him, and his sleeves fall down a little on his arms. His left arm, isn't skin… it's made of metal.

Without thinking it through. I raise my hand, and I lightly touch the cold metal. Bucky's hands clench into fists, and he lets out this blood curdling scream.

The scream scares me half to death. I jump back, and I stare at him frightened.

"THEY USED ME! THE THINGS THEY MADE ME DO!" Bucky screams, his hands still balled into fists. Bucky looks at his metal hand, and he punches a hole through my wall. He rests his head against the wall, and he cries.

"They almost, made me kill my friend. I don't even remember him! They took so much from me! They treated me like a monster!" Bucky screams.

I could feel my heartbreaking. The horrors he went through… I couldn't even bring myself to think of them.

"They should've just left me to die! I don't know how to be the man I was, anymore…" Bucky says as he stays standing in front of my wall.

"James…" I whisper as I hesitantly walk toward him.

Bucky doesn't move, he just stays in front of the wall crying in silence.

"You're not a monster. I can't imagine what you went through. But, the man I see before me… is NOT a monster, he's a victim. A victim who survived, and he is trying to become a better man. Steve worries so much about you! He isn't angry about what they made you do, you're still family to him." I say as I rest my hand on his shoulder. Bucky silently turns his head to look at me.

"You don't even know me, and you give me all these lies. Who do you think you are?" Bucky says. Suddenly, he starts turning his anger toward me.

"Lies? James… what do you mean?" I say confused as I take a step back.

"Do you know, the code name they gave me? The things I did? The people I hurt? The families I destroyed? BECAUSE I DON'T! I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL! I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! You keep saying this name… which means nothing to me. The man who came to my room, I don't even know him. Is this some sort of game to all of you? You think you can toy with a man like me? I DIDN'T ASK TO BE TORN APART. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE REMADE OVER, AND OVER AGAIN! I DIDN'T ASK TO BE THIS… I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS ARM… I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS! I NEVER EVEN HAD A VOICE, IN ANYTHING THEY DID TO ME! Don't even think that your words will help me. They mean nothing to me. I don't know why I bothered coming here." Bucky says, and then he turns to walk out my front door.

"James… please… I want to help you. I honestly don't know what to say. I'm trying my best. I don't know your story, I don't know you, and I don't know your friend. Just please let me help you. I know you need it… NO… I know you WANT it. Please…" I beg, hoping he won't leave. If he does, I'm afraid I won't see him again.

Why do I want him to stay though? This man could easily kill me… given the chance that is. I'm sure he's killed before… but none of that seems to bother me. I just want him to stop hurting.

Bucky stands in my doorway, with his back facing me. I could see his shoulders move up and down, as he breathes heavily.

"Please…" I say as I reach my hand out toward him.

Bucky turns his head to look at me, but his hair covers his face.

"I want to help you." I say barley above a whisper, as fear steals my voice.

Bucky turns his head away from me. Before I know it, he walks out the door without a word.

I stand in the middle of the floor speechless. I don't know how to react. The pain he was feeling, I wanted to take that all away for him. I didn't know this man, I knew I wasn't supposed to get invested in patients. But something about him… the thought alone, of him being out there on his own… lost, hurt, and confused… I could feel my own pain, pouring out of my eyes and running down my cheeks.

"You didn't have to do this alone…" I whisper to myself, as I collapse on the floor sobbing.


End file.
